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(An excerpt from an essay 'To be Gay and Christian
- Two Worlds Colliding' S. Palmer 2002)
Although the studies and statistics do not all totally agree, the weight of
evidence from research is suggesting the following:
a) Lesbian and gay youth in the coming out stages can be ''at risk' if there are
no support structures in place to help them deal with the issues surrounding
sexual orientation.
b) The younger the age, the greater the risk.
c) It is not homosexuality itself that is causing the individual harm. It is the
hostile environment that alienates and rejects the individual.
At this point, one must ask, where is the Church in all of this? The focus of
the statistics thus far has been on the wider homosexual community. But what
happens to those who comprise part of a church community and who begin to
struggle with sexual identity. The enormity of fear, guilt, separation and
rejection is heightened by the need to be 'right' with God and with the Church
community. The role of the Church in this struggle should be one of pastoral
care and love, but sadly, for many Christians, this has not been the case.
Recently, I met a woman who told me her horrific story. Carla was married
for some years, but had been struggling with her sexual orientation even before
her marriage. Her husband was aware of these struggles, but because they were
both committed Christians, they placed this problem into God's hands. For the
ten years Carla was married, she continued to suppress any same sex attractions.
However, when she met Christina and began an affair, her pastor found out. He
summoned Carla to his office one afternoon and threatened to tell her husband if
she didn't cease this sinful activity immediately. Carla felt totally betrayed,
a total loss of control, ashamed, and cut off. She went home and took an
overdose. Luckily, the next-door neighbour found her and rushed her to hospital.
What is most disturbing about this story is the self-righteous attitude of the
pastor who thought he had the God-given right to bulldoze Carla with complete
disregard for who she is and how she was feeling. Where is the Church in time of
crisis? Sadly today, the Church is still throwing stones instead of building
bridges. There is so much good that the Church could and should be doing to help
support its people in the 'coming out' stages. There are so many opportunities
for ministry and blessing that are being missed as the Church continues to argue
over the issue of whether homosexuality is a sin. Instead of being the place
that GLBT people can turn in times of crisis for support, the Church is shutting
the door. Is it any wonder then that the GLBT community view institutional
Church as the enemy?
The Church is stuck on the biblical passages that refer to homosexuality as a
sin. Romans Ch 1 is the most condemning of same sex relations and countless
books have been written about the meaning of Paul's words. The problem for the
Church is that if homosexuality is a sin, then it must be a choice. If it is a
choice that a person makes, then before the Church can accept the homosexual
into the full life embodiment of the faith, that person must show repentance and
a desire to change their choice. Some people have written books about how they
believe they have actually changed their sexual preference. Homosexuality then,
is viewed in a similar way to drug addiction or alcoholism. It can be 'given
up'.
The studies are inconclusive about whether homosexuality is genetic or
conditioned. If homosexuality were proven to be genetic, then the Church would
certainly have to alter its stand. But even if it is conditioned, even if
homosexuality is the result of lack of love from a same sex parent, or the
result of an abusive upbringing or a host of other environmental factors, so
what?
The bottom line is that a lesbian or gay person is attracted to the same sex,
and there is absolutely nothing they can do about it. Well, the Church will
admonish the gay or lesbian to seek out God's healing. But what if, a gay or
lesbian person, having struggled to change, having pleaded with God for months,
perhaps years, to take this 'sin' away, finds that the same sex attraction is
still there? The homosexual cries out, "My God! Have You forsaken me?" Does it
mean that God chooses not to heal me? Does it mean that God did not hear my
cries? Or does it mean that God does not wish to change who I am created to be?"
The Honorable Justice Michael Kirby sums up this argument in his speech in
February (02) at a Jesuit College preparatory school. (He was later condemned
for these remarks)
"With the wonderful intelligence that we were given at our birth and with the
lesson of love and reconciliation that the Christian message teaches, we have, I
believe, a duty to reject the notion that homosexuals and their sexuality are
'intrinsically evil'. They are not. Those who suggest that they are carry a very
heavy moral responsibility for the hate crimes, the bashings, the denigration,
the family rejections, the shame, the suicides, the despairing exposure to HIV
and the lonely denial that they inflict on other human beings. Amongst gays and
straights, there is a need to stand up bravely together on these issues and to
confront hatred and error. In due course the churches will get it right. Let us
hope that we do not have to wait too long for this apology." (Hon Justice
Michael Kirby AC CMG High Court of Australia)
A person can choose to go on the pill. A person can choose to have an abortion.
A person can choose to buy a gun, drink alcohol, take drugs, drive dangerously,
lie, cheat, steal and commit adultery. Anyone who does these things can still
line up for the Sacrament on a Sunday morning, and their repentance is between
them and God. But if the homosexual has to live a lie and pretend to be straight
in order to be welcomed to the communion table then the nature and purpose of
this sacrament has lost its true meaning.
Piglet walked up to Pooh from behind and took his hand. "What is it my dear
Piglet," Pooh asked. I just wanted to be sure of you." Piglet replied. (Winnie
the Pooh)
The GLBT community needs friends. Friends that they can be sure of, no matter
what. Hopefully that day is not far distant when the Christian community can
start 'holding hands’ with gay and lesbian brothers and sisters in loving
support. It is time for the Church to stop 'living by the law' and practice the
true message of Jesus Christ. The message of Love in Action. It's time to quit
judging and start loving.
REFERENCE SOURCES:
1.
COUNSELING AND HOMOSEXUALITY
Earl D.
Wilson PhD Vol. 15
General
Editor Gary R. Collins, PhD
World
Publishing 1983
2.
COMING OUT!
WOMEN'S VOICES WOMEN'S LIVES
Edited by
Julie Rigg and Julie Copeland
Nelson
Publishers 1986
3.
FACING OUR
DIFFERENCES -The Churches and their Gay and Lesbian Members
Alan A. Brash
WCC
Publications 1995
4.
HOMOSEXUALITY
IN THE CHURCH - Both Sides of the Debate
Editor
Jeffrey S. Siker
Westminster
John Knox Press 1994
5.
INFOSOURCE:
GAY & BISEXUAL MALE SUICIDE PROBLEMS (Part 5 & 6)
http://virtualcity.com/youthsuicide/gbsuicide2htm
6.
INSIDE / OUT
- Lesbian Theories, Gay theories
Edited by
Diana Fuss
Routledge,
Chapman and Hall, Inc 1991
7.
POSITIVELY
GAY - New Approaches to Gay and Lesbian Life
Edited by
Betty Berzon, Ph. D
Celestial
Arts Publishing 1992
8.
SCRIPTURE AND
HOMOSEXUALITY -Biblical Authority and the Church Today
Marion L.
Soards
Westminster
John Knox Press 1995
9.
SOCIAL
JUSTICE, THE CHURCHES AND HOMOSEXUALITY
Michael Kirby
http://critpath.org/pflag-talk/socialjustice+churches.html
10.
SPIRITUAL
DIRECTION AND THE GAY PERSON
James L.
Empereur, S.J
Cassell
Wellington House 1998
11.
THE LESBIAN
AND GAY CHRISTIAN MOVEMENT
Edited by
Sean Gill
Cassell
Wellington House 1998
12.
THEOLOGICAL
AND PASTORAL RESPONSES TO HOMOSEXUALITY
General
Editor B.G.Webb
Open Book
Publishers 1994
13.
WELCOMING BUT
NOT AFFIRMING
Stanley J.
Grenz
Westminster
John Knox Press 1998
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